THAT. JUST. HAPPENED!

If someone pulled out a beauty like this on me, I'd resign, too!! These 107 points make my measly 74 points against imgianel look like nothing!!

Who else is ready to get slaughtered?!

Loss of Manhood

After 4 years, poor Moku Bear finally got the snip.

He went to the vet yesterday to get neutered. And if getting his balls cut out wasn't enough, he is now resigned to wearing the cone of shame.

Oh Mokie. You're such a "special" dog.

Child for Sale

See that adorable little girl in the previous Father's Day video post below? Yeah, well, don't let those cute pigtails and sweet little chipmunk voice fool you. She is Satan's spawn!!!!!

Yesterday I had a whole laundry list of chores to do on my day off, including laundry. ironically enough. I was in my room separating the colors from the whites (BTW not a racist remark. Totally talking about clothes right now!) when I realize it's really quiet.

Everyone who has kids knows that when it gets quiet, it means your children are doing something naughty. So I yell out to Lolli and ask her what she was doing. She replied that she was coloring her Dora book. She loves to color and will do it for literally an hour straight. So I just figured she was in the other room, coloring away and was fine.

Not 10 minutes later, the girl comes running in to my room, bare buns.

"Poo poo, mommy."

I turn her around and sure enough, there's poo all over her little chubby bum. But it doesn't stop there. The poo is running down her leg, down her foot, into her shoe. I lift her foot up, and there's an entire turd stuck to the bottom of her sandal.

I scream and rush into the nursery to clean her up. As I'm crossing the hallway, I step in something kinda squishy. I look down, and low and behold, I've stepped in another turd. After screaming, I look around and see that the entire nursery is covered in poo and sandal foot prints. There are turds left and right and little nuggets scattered everywhere. It was all I could do not to wring my child's neck. Instead, I cried.

I throw Lolli in the bath then go to work on trying to scrub out the carpet. In the process, I call my husband and start yelling at him like it's all his fault. He simply says, "Put her on time out."

Time out? Really? The child covers our house in freakin' manure and you're saying all I need to do is put her on time out like that's gonna solve everything?!!!??!!

"Lolli, you sit in time out while I scourge the carpet and sanitize all your toys, clothes, blankets, bookshelves, door knobs...

Lolli doesn't need a time out. She needs a drop kick! Mommy is the one who needs a time out. Let me sit and do nothing while someone else cleans all your sh*! off the walls!

A Great, Big Kiss!!

Get yo' dance on!

Having danced competitively for years, I'm always down to watch others perform and attend recitals, shows, and competitions. I've also gotten suckered in to following dance shows on television.

While I hate hate HATE Dancing with the Stars, I do love America's Best Dance Crew and So You Think You Can Dance. Unlike the Stars contestants, ABDC and SYTYCD contestants actually have an amazing amount of talent.

This season of SYTYCD, I've found myself drawn to one contestant in particular: Lauren Froderman.

In her first audition package, she mentioned she was a cheerleader. I automatically hated her. But then she auditioned and I was pleasantly surprised. But what sold me, was her Vegas week solo.



It helps that she chose to dance to one of the greatest songs of all time, but aside from that, you can't argue this girl isn't pure talent. She's amazing! I'm a little obsessed with her right now.

But watch out! A close favorite is Alex Wong.

As a ballet dancer, this kid can bend, stretch, and twist his body in ways no man should...but still look hot doing it!!

I kinda have a crush on him, but I don't think I'm his type. "His type" meaning another dude...

So who will I vote for this year?

Probably nobody. I'm too lazy to pick up the phone.

Hell to the No

Surfing through blogs, I came across a fashion blog called Street Peeper. It's kind of like The Sartorialist in that it captures fashion from real life people, right off the streets.

I was cruising through Street Peeper, rather enjoying the conglomeration of fashion when I came across this little number


And this was the description:

DJ Mike Nouveau at his Soho Grand BBQ in a black RICK OWENS top with a pleated black COMME DES GARCONS man-skirt and a pair of black GIVENCHY sandals.

WHAT?!?!?

THE?!?!?!

HELL?!?!?!?

A man skirt?!?!? What in the what?!?!?

I don't care if it's Comme des Garcons and probably cost more than my cesarean section. Unless you're Scottish, no straight man has any business wearing a skirt.

If you're gonna wear a skirt, you'd better have your face painted up like Highlander or you'd better be donning a wig, mascara, and stripper heels in preparation of joining Ru Paul on the runway. (Sache chante!)

A man skirt. Who the hell do you think you are, DJ Nouveau?!

10K Fun Run in the Sun

While we were in Vegas last weekend, I decided that I might as well sign up for a race and make the most of my holiday weekend. I even talked my brother into running with me.

He had run with me in the past while I was training for my marathon, and it was really fun chatting and running with him along the Provo River Parkway trail. However, Jord was a little worried about the race since it was a 10k, and the farthest Jordan had ever run before was about 4.5 miles.

I assured him that since we'd be in Las Vegas at a lot lower altitude, he'd be golden. I was even stoked about the elevation drop. I signed up for the race thinking I was gonna set a new 10k personal record.

So race day rolls around and we're pumped!

We cruise up to the packet pickup and Jordan looks out along the horizon and notices a few mountains. He asks me, "Are we running out to those?" I take a a glance in the direction of the mountains, snicker a little bit and dismiss his comment by saying, "Yeah right! That's hella far out there."

We grab our bibs, line up at the starting line, and get ready to do work. Gun fires and we're off!

Coming off the starting line, we pound out about half a mile through a straightaway, then we round a corner to the right. As soon as I come around the corner, I'm face to face with a HUGE hill that leads straight up to the base of those very mountains I scoffed at just minutes before.

The entire time I'm thinking, "There's no way we're running all the way up this hill. The course will turn any second...any second now...wait for it...wait for it..."

No, no. It never turned. We went all the way up. I ran a 2 mile, 3.5% grade hill. If you don't know what that means, let me break it down. It was a long-ass, big-ass hill!!!! I was dying!! So much for that personal record. I was just hoping not to fall into an exhausted heap along the side of the road! And to make matters worse, Jordan decides he's gonna show off and run like a freakin' cheetah. So I'm left to suffer all by myself. I didn't even have my iPod to distract me from my misery.

Finally --FINALLY--I crest the hill and the course turns again to the right. And the second I round that corner, I'm met but yet ANOTHER huge hill! At that point, I just wanted to turn around and walk back to the start, get in my car, and drive back home to Utah.

Really, we're gonna run this entire race up hill? 6 miles of hell? REALLY?!? And better yet, this second hill is gonna be a 5% grade?

Why does Baby Jesus hate me so much sometimes???

I battle up the second hill, give the mountain side the finger, turn around and book it back down. I don't even know where Jordan is at this point. I don't even care. I'm over this stupid race. So pissed! Why the hell didn't I look at the course map before I signed up for the race? There's what? One mountain in Las Vegas and I had to run up it????

I get back down the mountain, cross the finish line at 1 hour and 14 minutes, 5 minutes past my goal time. Lame!!!

And Jordan? Oh yeah, he finished in 55 minutes, earning him the 1st place spot in his division. His first ever 10k, and only his 2nd ever official race and he places first in his division?!? Super show off.

But come to find out, even with my slow time, I actually placed 3rd in my division. Awesome, right??? Too bad they only awarded 1st and 2nd place with a certificate.

Once again I get screwed.

Come on Baby Jesus!!!!

UFC Fan Expo

For the long Memorial Day weekend, we decided to trip it down to Vegas.

My main man and I, along with the masses, went to Mandalay Bay for the UFC Fan Expo.

IT. WAS. SO. COOL.

Seeing all the fighters in person was almost surreal...and in some cases, disappointing.

Tito Ortiz aka The Huntington Beach Badboy aka the love of my life...yeah, not that awesome in person. He was a lot smaller than I imagined him being. He still had a ginormous noggin, but the rest of him was not that impressive. Still, don't think for one second I wouldn't have made out with him right then and there if he'd asked me to! Ryan wouldn't have minded. There was way too much booty meat prancing around in panties and bikini tops for him to even have noticed!

I did, however, enjoy meeting Herb Dean. He's actually a pretty big dude! He was a little pudgy when I put my arm around him to pose for the picture, but I'm sure he was thinking the exact same thing about me!

It was also fun to meet Brandon Vera. He's a fellow Flip but was raised in the states. Still, he's fluent in Tagalog and Ry had a blast chatting it up with him in the native tongue. And I must admit, Brandon Vera was pretty impressed by Ry's Tagolog skills...and mine, too!! What, with like the 3 phrases I know how to say in Tagolog?!?! I even got Lalea to say "mahal kita."

I'm telling you, Lalea was the key to this entire expo. All the fighters thought she was adorable and had us bring her to the front of the line. Roy Nelson even had Ry set her up on the signing table to take a picture with him. She was our all access pass!!! I thought it was gonna be HORRIBLE bringing a 2 year old to an overcrowded expo. But little did we know, she was the secret weapon! Her cuteness got us free shirts, awesome pictures, and even a table out in the crowded foyer during the lunch rush!! Thanks, Lollipop!!

Aside from having to stand in long-ass lines in order to meet the fighters, it was an awesome experience. I'm so mad we didn't go back for the second day of the expo. Next year we'll be sure to go for both days. It was totally worth it. If you're into MMA, I highly recommend attending the UFC Fan Expo.

Go get your fight on!!!