St. Geezy Ain't Easy

Disappointing news: I've decided not to run the St. George marathon. I'm ashamed and embarrassed, as I've never bailed on a big race like this before. Sure, I've complained constantly and threatened to quit at every turn--and every incline--but that's just always been my process. I complain and whine my way through training then complete the race and boast about my epic achievement for the following 6 months. (BTW, have you heard? I JUST had a baby.)

This time has been different. From the beginning, I was never too keen on running this race. I was all but coerced into it by my friend Stuffanie. (Name changed to protect her identity.) The day of the lottery, I about threw up when I saw I had gotten in. But I put on my big girl panties, slathered on the Body Glide, and hit the pavement.

The first couple months of training went pretty smoothly and were--dare I say--enjoyable. I was already in relatively good shape as I had already been busting my butt to shed the pregnancy weight. I had a running partner, too, which made my long runs bearable. But as I started creeping up into higher mileage, things began to fall apart.

Not only was the training getting more difficult but finding the time to do it was becoming increasingly hard to come by. Since Boyfriend works like 32 hours a day, I didn't have anyone to watch the girls while I ran. I don't have a jogging stroller, Lalea isn't steady enough on her bike yet, so bringing them along wasn't an option. I tried running on the treadmill at our clubhouse gym. If I was lucky, I'd get about 3-4 miles in before the fish started screaming her head off and annoying the crap out of all the other residents. Even if she had cooperated, there's no way I'd attempt an 18 miler on a treadmill. I'd probably burn out the belt before I even finished.

When Ry was home, I'd sacrifice our family time to go out and run away the day, complaining the entire time...complaining when I got home...complaining at church the next morning. Lots of complaining. It just wasn't fun. Training wasn't empowering like it had been in the past. I was not the least bit excited about the race. I'd never not wanted to do something so much in my life!

So when I got the text from Stuffanie that she had to drop out due to some very unfortunate and legitimate reasons, I jumped all over the opportunity to throw in the towel, as well. One of the best decisions of my life.

I'm still disappointed, though, because I had already invested so much time into it. I had gotten up to like 14 miles, I think. Halfway there. And had a half-marathon been an option, I would have totally done that.

Additionally, the race fee was non-refundable and non-transferable. So there went $100. Not to mention I forfeited bragging rights. That's the biggest letdown of all.

Though, I've already run 3 full marathons making me 3x better than most people by default.

Winning.

National Bullying Prevention Month

As many of you know, I have the most beautiful, most clever, and most talented little girl in the world. So maybe I am a bit bias but she really, truly is the best daughter any mother could ask for.

If you've never read or seen The Help, there is a tender scene between the house maid, Aibileen, and the child she cares for, Mae Mobley. Mae Mobley's mother is neglectful, inattentive, and uncaring. Seeing how badly Mae Mobley needs the love and attention of her mother, Aibileen makes it a point to fill the void and positively affirm Mae Mobley's self-worth.

Rocking Mae Mobley in her nursery, Aibilene says,

"You is a smart girl. You a kind girl, Mae Mobley. You hear me? You is kind, you is smart, you is important!"

 And as soon as Mae Mobley is able to talk, Aibilene instructs her to repeat the self-affirmation,

"You is kind, you is smart, you is important!"

Taking a cue from Aibilene and Mae Mobley, I have made it a point to tell Lolli every day how much I love her, how wonderful she is, and how perfect she will always be. We've even adopted an affirmation of our own,

I am beautiful, smart, and special!

Every time Lolli draws a picture, makes up a dance, or sings a song, Ryan and I shower her with compliments and tell her how amazing she is. We go overboard with love and praise. The way I see it, if she's not getting it at home, where else is she going to find the love and appreciation she not only deserves but needs??

There are mean, mean people in this world.

Being a curvier and bigger girl all my life, I've found myself on the receiving end of some very hurtful comments, remarks, and jabs from very close-minded, judgmental, and misinformed people. Luckily, I have a family who loves me and, more importantly, continues to express their love for me each day. I've grown to know my self-worth. I've gained the confidence to assert that regardless of what the world thinks or says about me,

 I am beautiful! I am smart! I am special!!

Still, there are those who try to break us down, take that knowledge away from us. Recently,  CBS WKBT news anchor Jennifer Livingston was attacked by one of these insensitive individuals. Here is a video of the hurtful email Jennifer received and her response:

 

"Do not let your self-worth be defined by bullies...The cruel words of one are nothing compared to the shouts of many."

Let us fill our homes with shouts of praise and acceptance, drowning out the weak voices of cruelty and ignorance. No matter the world's opinion, know your self-worth. 

 You are beautiful! You are smart! You are special!!

I'm the winningest loser!

Just a quick brain dump for your reading enjoyment...or for my entertainment.

• Since beginning my diet 3 weeks ago, I've seen some major changes. While I still want to eat everything I'm not really supposed to, I have noticed that my cravings are a lot less frequent and I'm feeling more full and satisfied between each meal. Who thought I'd ever be able, or even want to, live and actually thrive on 900-1000 calories a day? Before, I could knock out 900 calories in one sitting! (Cue Five Guys and See's Candy.) But the best change so far? I've dropped 15 pounds. So excited and proud! Shedding that weight already makes me physically  feel better, has improved my athletic performance, and has even gotten me back into a pair of my skinny jeans. Word to your mother, Medifast!!

• Along the lines of Medifast, my friend who is also a health coach was holding a giveaway to promote the program. Long story short, I won the giveaway!!! A $50 Target gift card. I FREAKIN' WON!!! I never win anything!!!! Seriously!!! I have the worst luck with these kinds of things. But dang it, the tides have turned. Lady Luck is on my side! Anyone wanna head to Vegas this weekend?

• Lalea started school this week...FINALLY. She's going to Little Readers in Spanish Fork 4 days a week for 3 hours a day. I am ecstatic!!! As a mother, you love your children to pieces and enjoy spending time with them. But also as a mother, you want to wring your kids' little necks if they don't stop crying or whining for just one second. Finding alone time is hard to come by most days. But preschool...glorious preschool. I'll pay whatever amount of tuition required, just please, take my child. Mama needs to go spend her Target gift card in peace.

Hope everyone is doing well and you're enjoying these last few weeks of warm weather. As for me, fall can't get here soon enough. Bring on the cool weather.

Take care, my lovelies.

Dear Food, I miss you!

Winds of change are passing through this household. 

The whole lot of us are getting pretty soggy around the middle. Even Moku Bear, our Shih tzu. Seriously. He's a chubb-o. No dog has any business being as fat as he is...especially a lap dog.

And since Ry turned 30, his metabolism has slowed down...a lot. Remember that new custom tailored suit he had made for graduation? Yeah, well, he had to let the pants out. 

The only reason I'm allowed to call Ry out on it  is because as you know, I'm not the skinniest minny myself. I'm sitting in the boat right next to him.

Though I embrace my curves and am generally uber confident when it comes to self-image, I just haven't been feeling healthy as of late. Therefore, we've all started new diet plans...including Moku. 

We're only one week into our new regimen and I have to admit, I'm feeling a bit weary. My body isn't used to functioning on so few calories. Though, I've been assured that after a few days I'll start feeling more energized. In the meantime, I'm starving!!! Somebody get me some freakin' nachos!!

Ugh. I don't know why this was a good idea. I like eating too much. Heaven help us. 

I've fallen and I can't get up!

About two and a half years ago, I was bending down to load Lollers into her car seat when all of a sudden, I felt my entire spine snap, crackle, and pop from the base of my neck all the way down to my butt. I thought I was paralyzed and would never walk again. Turns out, I simply threw out my back. But dang if it didn't hurt like hell!!!

I had hoped that occurrence was an isolated incident since I had started running and working out furiously  that same fall. For a long time, that was the case...until about 6 months ago.

About last summer, I was playing some outdoor volleyball, went to pass a ball and I felt the sickening snap again in my back, this time not all the way up and down like the first time but more centralized in my lower back. Fast forward another month, and I do it again. I actually do it about 3 more times all while playing volleyball but never actually doing anything that strenuous or intense. I was literally just standing there, the ball coming straight to me, and passing. I wasn't jumping, I wasn't diving, I wasn't even side stepping!

This brings us to last night. Only about 5 minutes into my first game, I extend my arms to receive the serve and I feel the all too familiar snap in my lower back. In the past when it's happened, I've been able to keep playing for a while. As long as I keep my muscles warm, I'm actually fine. It's when I rest or lie down right after play that the pain really starts to kick in.

So after I eel the snap, I take a second to stretch my back off the court, just to make sure I'm okay to keep playing for the rest of the night before resigning myself to the pain I knew was inevitable once I stopped moving. 

I play for about another 30 minutes, doing my best not to over exert myself too much. But then a ball comes shooting over the net and I know I can get it if I dive. So I do. I get the ball up and hit the floor. The second I do, my spine snaps again, all the way up and down from top to bottom. 

I can't get up. Literally...for like a minute. I finally hobble off the court and have to sit for about 5 minutes before being able to drag myself to my car and get home. 

This morning, I was supposed to accompany Lollers on her first field trip. It was all I could do to get out of bed, get her ready, and deliver her to school, let alone join her on the trip. By the time I got home, I was crying it was so painful.

I think this is the worst yet. Usually I can get comfortable if I'm sitting or lying down. Not this time. I ache and radiate pain in any position. And I don't get it! I'm active, healthy for the most part. Why do I keep throwing out my back so easily and frequently??? 

I feel so helpless. I've got my madre over here, taking care of me and my child. She'll be taking me to the doctor here shortly. I feel like I'm 12 years old again...though if I were 12 and prepubescent, I wouldn't be having these back problems. Damnit. I hate to admit it. I ain't no spring chicken. Mama is getting old!!!!

Curvy Girls Do It Better

Coming in to the new year, I swore 2012 was gonna be my year. I still have high hopes but already a month in, I've revised my "goals" a bit.

At first I was like, "I'm gonna get skinny, have a rockin' bod and stuff..."

But now I'm like, "Why?!"

Seriously. Why???? Why do I need to be skinny in order to have a rockin' bod?? My husband married me, jelly rolls and all, because he loved me the way I was. And guess what! Nearly 6 years and one pregnancy later, he still loves my shapely bod!

I realized in all my efforts to lose weight and drop dress sizes that I was unhappy in doing so. On the inside I felt healthy and strong, but the image in the mirror didn't reflect that. Who says that size 2 is the only acceptable body type? The media???? WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?!

I've recently been following a lot of curvy girl/plus size fashion blogs and Tumblr accounts. On

one of these blogs, The Curvy Fashionista, I read a guest post written by Brazilian plus size model Fluvia Lacerda.Girl is GORGEOUS!!! And why is she so fabulous?? Because of her curves and confidence.

Fluvia writes:

I have pretty much come to the conclusion at an early stage in my life that it is far easier to endure the stares at my big, fat butt and belly at the beach while wearing my bikinis than to work so hard, waste so much energy and my valuable time trying to be something that I’m not. Because even if you try, you will still endure the negative criticism as the bar is set higher and higher and anything you do is never good enough. And not to state the obvious, but yeah, we will never ALL fit the same mold.

Preach, girl. Preach!!!

The way I see it, I'm Polynesian. I'm gonna be a big girl no matter what. And the thing is, I don't want to be skinny. I want to be healthy. And I am.

I still workout 5 days a week. I play volleyball. I dance. I'm active. I feel healthy and strong. Do I love to stuff my face with brownie batter and Nutella??? YUP! Am I gonna deprive myself of that goodness just to save myself from the calories??? NOPE!

My husband loves me. My daughter loves me. My family loves me. And whether I'm a size 2 or a size 14, that's not gonna change.

So 2012 is still gonna be the year for a smokin' hot bod, but it's going to be learning to love the smokin' hot bod that I already have.

No more caring what other people think. Haterz gonna hate. If you're offended by my weight, size, cellulite, whatever...DON'T LOOK AT IT!!! Cuz this 200 pounds of woman runs marathons, throws it down at the gym, and continues to dominate the dance floor and volleyball court on the daily!

Besides, we all know you're just jealous. Curvy girls do it better.