Bedtime Prayers and Butt Cheese

When it comes to bathroom humor, you'll find me in the corner, laughing away with the rest of the 10 year old boys. I'm crass, immodest, and not afraid to let one rip. You should know this by now.

So in an effort to be more lady like and to be a better example to Lolli, I've tried to censor the potty talk. Still, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

Some of Lolli's favorite songs to sing are "Old McDonald had some poop," "Baa baa black sheep. Have you any poop?" or my personal favorite, "The itsy bitsy butt cheese went up the water spout."

While I applaud the creative license she liberally takes when performing her songs, apparently singing about poop and butt cheese isn't appropriate for a 3 year old little girl.

Yesterday, Lolli was being especially rambunctious, which led to her going to time-out for talking back and yelling at me. This episode was soon followed by a very special rendition of the humming bird song that included the following verse,

"Oh the humming poop. Oh the humming poop. Oh the humming poooooooooooop!"

Once again, Lolli was sent to time-out, as I had already told her twice that day not to sing about naughty and gross things.

As we were getting ready for bed last night, I began to help Lolli say her prayers. But as soon as I started to help her, she grumbled at me not to and demanded she say it herself. This was her exact prayer:

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Thank you we can play with Mommy Daddy. Help us not talk mean on Mama. Help us not sing 'bout poo poo. Jesus Christ, Amen"

Bless her poopy little heart!

Cutest Audition!

I just wanna SQUEEZE this boy!!!!!! So cute!!!



He just made it through group week, I just hope he can make it through the next round. I'm afraid his voice, though beautiful, is a little too weak for this competition. I'd still vote for him, though. He's so adorable!!!!!

It'll make you say WOW everytime!

When we were little, I remember my brother Jordan watching infomercials and making my mom buy some of the items advertised. I recall getting a vacuum sealer thing and some grippy jar opener things, too. Who knows what other crap Jordan made my mom buy.

I was over at my mom's today, and went downstairs to talk to Jordan. I walk into his room and find him lying on the bed, watching QVC. I said, "Why are you watching infomercials?" His reply, "I love infomercials. QVC and HSN are my favorite."

He then proceeds to tell me that the other day on HSN, Mariah Carey was hosting a segment, trying to sell her new line of shoes or something. When he saw this, Jordan rushed to the phone and called the purchasing hot-line. When he got through, he asked if he could go on air.

"Sorry, sir. You actually need to buy the item first so you have something to talk about while on air."

"Eh, no thanks. I just wanted to talk to Mariah."

Click.

So close.

Lovey Dovey

February is a busy month for us. We've got Ry's birthday on the 13th, Valentine's Day on the 14th, and our wedding anniversary on the 16th.

With all these lovey dovey events within a week of each other, we usually have one big celebration to honor Birthdavalenersary. This year, however, we opted out of doing anything since, ya know, the whole Euro trip has kinda sucked our funds dry. We figure we'll party enough on that vacay to honor the next 3 Birthdavalenersaries to come.

So in lieu of any fancy dinners, boxes of chocolates, and romantic couples massages, I've simply compiled a rather hackneyed list of some of the reasons why I love, appreciate, am attracted to, and generally like my husband.

In no particular order:

-He knew I was high maintenance and still willingly married me

-He rocks a mohawk

-He buys me anything I want at Victoria's Secret (Though I'm pretty sure this is a selfish gesture on his part)

-He buys me makeup

-He buys me anything I want

-He is an amazing father

-He took me to the temple

-He puts up with my loud and obnoxious family

-He hates cats

-He appreciates fashion and looks amazing in a pinstripe suit

-He lets me wear his hoodies

-He thinks I'm beautiful

-He tells me he loves me every day

-He has supported me through 2 marathons and many more to come

-He ran Redrock with me and looks forward to doing another relay

-He sacrifices snowboarding on Saturdays so that I can attend my team runs

-He's still an awesome snowboarder

-He played rugby in college

-He's educated and motivated

-He has a strong work ethic and continuously strives to provide for his family

-He's a worthy priesthood holder

-He's mine

As unromantic as the two of us are, I think this list has just enough sap in it to appease even the corniest of cheese balls.

So to my husband, thanks for all you do. I love you, and stuff.

The Bearded Lady

I don't know what's going on with my hormones but over the past year or two, my face has decided to sprout a beard. Gross, right? I feel like freakin' cousin It over here.

My husband prefers to be the only one in our relationship sporting a five o' clock shadow so he splurged for some laser hair removal as a gift for me. He says, "Look! Now you can get rid of your beard and mustache!"

I should have been offended, but rather, I was relieved.

This morning, I went for my first treatment. I heard from lots of people that the procedure hurt. Those people were either all liars or wussies. It didn't hurt. It simply felt like a static electricity shock. The only thing that was a little off-putting was the smell. I could literally smell my burning skin as it was being zapped.

I'm excited to go back again, though, for my next treatment. In fact, I'd like to purchase a membership pass to do other areas of my body.

I guess I could always just dip myself in a bath of Nair, but that sounds like a bad idea.