!!!!!!!WARNING!!!!!!!
The following account may be too graphic for those of a sensitive nature. If you're scared of or put off by bathroom humor, bodily functions, and indecent exposure...why are we even friends?!?!?
The following account may be too graphic for those of a sensitive nature. If you're scared of or put off by bathroom humor, bodily functions, and indecent exposure...why are we even friends?!?!?
Remember Lalea's Poo Capers from a couple months ago? Well, apparently that wasn't all she had stored up in her arse-nal...literally.
Over the past week, Lalea has been complaining that her "bummy hurt." The poor girl didn't go to the bathroom for nearly 4 days. She was constipated!
We started pumping her full of oatmeal and apple juice, since in the past, apple juice gave her diarrhea. We hoped it'd help the girl loosen up.
Just yesterday, I was sitting in the bathroom as Lalea was in the tub taking a bath. She immediately stands up, grabs her bare butt and starts screaming that her bummy hurt. I kept telling her that we needed to sit on the toilet then and go poop since it'd be the only way to make her tummy and bum feel better. She screamed back that she didn't need/want to go on the toilet. I kept insisting that she needed to.
In the middle of her tirade, she stopped, stood perfectly still, and started straining. And in the split second, before I could even swoop her out of the tub and onto the pot, she let it go.
It was like slow motion. A huge, nasty, steaming piece of poo came hurtling out of her behind. It hit the edge of the bath tub, did a triple lutz, and landed on my toe.
I. LOST. IT.
I jumped in the tub and started scouring my foot. If I had a gallon of bleach at the ready, I would have doused my entire leg in it then filed off the first 3 layers of skin just to make sure the germs were off.
It was so nasty. And to add insult to injury, after I got out of the tub, I still had to pick up the kamikaze turd up off the tile floor. Armed with nearly a whole roll of toilet paper, I daintily picked that steamer up then flung it into the toilet as fast as I could. So then I had to go through the whole scouring process again with my hands.
The whole while, Lalea is sitting on the toilet just laughing at me. She thinks my screaming and hysteria is hilarious.
To sum up this poo encounter, I quote one of my Red Rock team mates:
"Kids are so just barely worth it."
8 comments:
So hilarious!! Just about the same thing happened when I was watching her during Red Rock. She came running in saying her bummy hurt then stopped suddenly as if she hit a brick wall and got this funny look on her face. Just as I was leaping up to get her on the pot she cried, "Tutu there is a giant poopoo in my panties"! I carefully helped her step out of them only to have the giant poopoo flop onto your bathroom floor!! That happened twice. But she was like a new girl after that -- no more bummy hurting. BTW -- good thing you scoured your bathroom tile because I didn't!! Bahahahaha!!
Now let's teach her to say that a few more minutes earlier.
thats TURD-tastic! what a little POO-rincess. at least you didn't get them on your BROWN SNAKE shoes. do you need to rent a STEAMER cleaner? it makes me hungry for a TOOTSIE ROLL. what a TWO-ZEE! i hope you took all that CRAP you cleaned with to the DUMP :)
Hehehe this is hilarious! It's your daughter, I'm assuming? Man, I can't wait to have kids. ;)
EWWWWW, so gross...... I'm not ready for that..
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Hahaha. She laughed at you? For some reason, I found it cute. I have a 4-year-old cousin, a little boy, who used to live here and whenever he got constipated he would cry while pooping and ask for a glass of water to drink. While pooping. Because he said it was so tiring. Oh, kids... ;)
That's hilarious! And I too would have been laughing my head off at you if I were there...you're such a wimp about some things ya know? I know you know. So wish I was there, dang it... call me next time.
what did you do to piss her off & make her want to get even?!!??
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